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 Post subject: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Tue 27 Jan, 2009 10:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue 27 Jan, 2009 2:35 am
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Location: Metro New Orleans
Hello to Cal and everyone else. I am writing this because the eight year love of my life left me for the JW. No children involved, just three dogs. Her mom and sister are JW, but are too mentally disabled to actively participate. After losing everything to Katrina, with no insurance, we both went on a melt-down of sorts. I went to counseling a couple of years ago and within the last few months, she did too. We never went together.

I was brought up Catholic, but during my 44 years, I learned to embrace the spiritual side of God and Jesus. I can pray anywhere and will also burn a candle when things get really bad. I was unnerved to say the least when her family would use words like Jehove and sister. My partner is a pacifist, never voted, didn't believe in blood transfusions, or oral sex, and her reasoning was that she is part Native American. I bought it hook, line, and sinker and trusted her enough to not question it.

Well, last Friday she told me that she was always a JW at heart. I feel angry and betrayed. It is like she just turned her back on me and has no remorse or guilt for it. I am far from a perfect person and I am trying to get a grip on my drinking problem. I feel guilty because I think I helped push her to them. She has a Masters in English and I never thought someone I admired so much, could be so gullible and fall into a cult. I can understand her mom and sister, because they are both mentally ill, and I realize JWs prey on the weak.

I have read your website extensively and those catch words and isolationist tactics that my former partner lived, started clicking. I don't think reading your website prior to yesterday would have helped me walk away sooner. I so deeply loved her, that wild horses could not have dragged me away.

Although I attend a Catholic University, we were exposed to all religions that you can imagine, including Wicca and Islam. I have attended Quaker meetings on my own out of curiosity. I am not a religious prude by any means, but this JW scares me. I love her so much, but it seems that she got entrenched a long time ago. Now that her mom is about to die from dementia and her sister is in a psyche ward (paranoid schizophrenic), I guess she her true allegiance has finally shown through.

I spoke with one of my professors who is a Crisis Intervention Officer with the NOPD. He and his staff go on SWAT rolls with hostages and respond to people having mental breaks. His advice to me was to concentrate on what I can change and walk away. That is great, but what do I do with the anger of being lied to for the past six years? I did send her some links from your site, with the hope that her intellect will over-ride the JW brainwash. I have heard absolutely nothing in return. I think it is too late.

I read your's and Mrs. R's experiences and it seems to take a LONG time to break away from the JW. I read of the pedophilia and rapes, where crimes were swept under the rug as to not tarnish their "image". I am a Criminal Justice student and am beside myself as to how those criminals go unpunished. I don't want my ex to suffer the possible humiliation of rape, with no one willing to step forward in her defense.

I am worried, angry, and feel totally helpless. I have always protected my family from outside harm with dogs and legal firearms. For the first time in my life I am helpless to protect someone I love.

I thank you over and over for having this web-site. I just don't know what to do. I am not big on Bible verses, but still feel compelled to protect those whom I love.


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 Post subject: Re: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Thu 29 Jan, 2009 9:50 pm 
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Joined: Sun 04 Mar, 2007 4:34 pm
Posts: 153
Location: Hagerstown, MD
Dear loyolaCRJU,

You are right. The JW indoctrination is strong and I can say from the people I know who are JW that they seem to automatically gravitate towards the JW teachings when their life is in upheaval mode (like your loved one seems to be). I remember the day when I had to end my relationship with someone I loved deeply because she told me that she was going to re-activate herself as a JW...it was horrible.

In the midst of all you are feeling the most important thing for you is to anchor yourself in God. Even though it feels like it is your job to protect your loved one from the destructive power of the JWs, it is God and God alone who has the power and authority to change someone's heart. Do what you can, but let God be God.

My prayers are with you.
Jay

_________________
But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death when we were of no use whatever to him. Romans 5:8, The Message


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 Post subject: Re: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Thu 29 Jan, 2009 11:31 pm 
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Joined: Tue 27 Jan, 2009 2:35 am
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Location: Metro New Orleans
:roll: Thanks so much for responding, Jay. The good news is what I am going through is bringing me closer to Christ...I started reading the scripture from this website and others ...I have even dusted off my old bible, which I haven't opened in ten years...

I am trying to let go of my anger for being deceived for so many years...Why couldn't she just tell me the truth before I fell so hard for her??? She was inactive while we were together, but after researching the JW topic, I see why we had so much distance in our relationship...It got worse when she moved her family from Panama City to New Orleans a year after we were together...I was a paycheck and barely a second thought...That was 2003...The blame for the distance rested squarely on my shoulders in her eyes...I believed it and grew increasingly insecure over the years...

Yes, it is a relief that I have somewhat of an answer, because her thoughts were controlled by something outside of our relationship...She was brought up that way...She became a robot of sorts, although she didn't preach her JW doctrine to me...Her ingrained (weird) habits had alot to do with my feelings of helplessness, because I could never break through her walls...My friends and family asked me on several occasions why she was so withdrawn and morose...I didn't have an answer and then they began to dislike her...I started isolating myself from my family because I didn't like the things they said about someone I loved tremendously...They knew I was miserable, but my heels were dug in...My dad died 2 years ago, and before he did he sat me down and expressed his concern about how much I had changed...I was a happy person before I met her and I had no answer for him...For eight years I begged and pleaded for affection and I barely got a brush off...Normally she would just get angry and start cursing and yelling and if I retreated she would follow me and practically beat my door down to keep the fight going...It was horrible and I became a tangled mess...I never knew why she hated me so much until Friday...We have been separated since August but until December we vowed to pull our lives back together...Then absolutely nothing from her for a month until I called Friday and she told me she was always a JW and went back...It was like Looney Tunes when they drop an anvil on your head...I almost fell out of my chair and after I composed myself I replied that what she was doing was the last act of a desperate person...Our last conversation was far from pleasant...I will never have it in me to undo what they will put her through...

I will walk away and trust in Jesus for him to redirect my life from all of this strife...You are right, there is nothing I can do but pray that God redirects her footsteps...I hope he does before something really bad happens to her with those people...She is an adult and can live with her decisions like we all must...I have to see her for the last time soon, so we can wrap it all up for good (property, car keys, etc)...I will need the courage from our awesome God to pull on his strength, so that I can remain calm and refrain from telling her how ignorant she is acting...

:thankyou4: for responding to my post and for relating to my pain...I hope you remain my brother in Christ...

Buttzie


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 Post subject: Re: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Tue 03 Feb, 2009 8:29 am 
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Joined: Sun 04 Mar, 2007 4:34 pm
Posts: 153
Location: Hagerstown, MD
Isn't it funny the way that works...the JWs claim to be God's only true channel of communication on earth...I find the contrast incredible.

Jesus said he was the WAY, the TRUTH, the LIFE, the LIVING WATER, the GOOD SHEPHERD (among other things)...

Whereas everything the WTS touches becomes CONFUSION, HALF-TRUTH, DEATH (of relationships), SLOW POISON (psychological), and WOLVES IN SHEEP's CLOTHING!!!

I definitely think that walking away from the relationship is the right thing for you to do. Also, I am glad you are getting into God's Word for direction. God has the whole plan whereas we can only see a part. God's thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are higher than we can see. Who knows? Although it would be terrible for it to happen from our point of view, it is possible that your loved one may experience more trials and tribulations as a result of her association with the WTS and finally wake up to the reality that the org is amiss in its beliefs and treatment of people!

Keep us updated about how you are doing and the wonders our Lord works in your life by your FAITH!

Jay

_________________
But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death when we were of no use whatever to him. Romans 5:8, The Message


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 Post subject: Re: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Tue 03 Feb, 2009 10:46 pm 
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Joined: Tue 27 Jan, 2009 2:35 am
Posts: 4
Location: Metro New Orleans
Thanks, Jay...Today is my first birthday apart from my wife in 8 years...Thanks for reaching out...It is getting better every day...Some days I'm the squirrel and some days I'm the nut...I'm just doing what I can to hold it all down...

Here is a Staind video that I find so fitting...I hope you enjoy it...This site doesn't give direct links, so you need to cut and paste to view it...I'm about to watch it again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCyRmKOv ... re=related :cry:


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 Post subject: Re: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Tue 03 Feb, 2009 11:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue 27 Jan, 2009 2:35 am
Posts: 4
Location: Metro New Orleans
Last one, Jay and top of the night to you...You were the only person on this sight who reached out to me in my time of dire need...Thank you, sir...You really helped me hold on...My tears have been flowing like a waterfall and you gave a damn...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KatBnj2E ... re=related

Buttzie


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 Post subject: Re: JWs stole the Love of My Life away
PostPosted: Mon 02 Mar, 2009 6:35 am 
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Joined: Tue 16 Jan, 2007 3:35 pm
Posts: 334
Location: Olathe, KS
Hello,

I haven't been on the forum in a while. I just read your story. How are you doing now?

_________________
Ken Oziah
Police Officer
Former M.S.
Former J.W.

as of 01/20/07


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