Hey blinder's off,
I'm originally from south ms, poplarville area, so kind of close to you.
I hate to see you blame yourself over your joining and staying in the WT. I truly believe that God uses every circumstance in our lives for the good. Don't give up on Him
You never know, God can use this in your life to help other people come out of WT control.
As far as contrasting the God of the old test. with the God of the New...to me it's helpful to read Psalms...also remembering that God is the God of second chances. Yes, he would get angry and so mad at Israel b/c they kept turning back to idols and kept forgetting the goodness of God, but notice God always gave them a second chance. I think also that God in the Old test. was so unapproachable, that's why they had to sacrifice and go through priests. But when Jesus came, he made a way for us to see God and approach him.
7 If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." 8 Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us." 9 Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10 Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me?